Awakening to Awareness: Meeting the Self Beyond Identity
The first time I read, You are not your thoughts, I felt a strange sense of relief followed by something darker—doubt, and a scraping loneliness. If I was not the running monologue in my head, who was I? Would the ground beneath my identity just fall away if I dared peek behind the curtain?
When the Stories Start to Unravel
Awareness is a word that can sound abstract, almost uncomfortably pure, when you’re used to finding safety in what you believe about yourself. When I first tried to “just be aware,” I encountered my own resistance: a tightness in my chest, old panic walking the edges of my skin, the part of me that clings fiercely to stories about who I am (and, more often, who I am not).
Sometimes I would sit, hoping for clarity, but only unease grew louder. My mind offered an endless parade of little identities—helper, failure, survivor, dreamer—like costumes I was supposed to pick up and wear forever. Even the stories that hurt me felt safer than none at all.
Awakening Isn't an Escape from Being Human
It’s tempting to imagine that if you could abide as pure awareness long enough, you’d rise above all pain, all confusion. But every time I tried to bypass the messiness of my thoughts or feelings, I felt more exiled from myself. The more I pushed, the more anxious my body became. I learned—sometimes the hard way—that awakening to awareness isn’t about rejecting our stories, but gently loosening our grip on them. You get to notice what arises without needing to build a permanent identity around it. You are allowed to be fluid.
Lately, I’ve sensed that exploring What is consciousness might help me loosen the sense of urgency to have every answer about myself. Sometimes the mystery can be softer than the stories.
You Are Not Your Thoughts, But They Still Matter
If you’ve ever tried to relate to your mind with kindness and ended up fighting a losing battle, I see you. Sometimes we hear “you are not your thoughts” and interpret it as permission to ignore our inner world—but that isn’t awareness. For me, real awareness includes honoring the mess, the ache, and even the self-doubt that shows up. It’s not about disowning any part of yourself; it’s about expanding the container so all of you can breathe.
Curiosity about these edges has led me to wonder about the Levels of consciousness—how our sense of self shifts and softens depending on how closely we identify with our thoughts and emotions. I try not to chase after higher states, but to let myself rest where I am, even if it’s messy.
Ways To Abide When Identity Feels Shaky
You don’t have to force yourself into presence. Some days, just noticing your breath or the feeling of your feet on the floor is enough. If it feels safe, you might experiment with letting thoughts float by as sounds or colors rather than as verdicts on who you are. Observer self concept can help here—sometimes the gentle witness in me is enough to make room for everything else.
As I’ve played with awareness, I’ve also run up against questions about Awareness vs attention. Sometimes I need the narrow focus of attention, sometimes the wide field of awareness. You get to experiment without being perfect or having to choose just one way to be.
Body Memories and Permission to Pause
Awareness is not always gentle, especially for those who carry old hurts. There were mornings when sitting still made my heart race. Other days, I felt numb and far away from my own body. If that happens, it’s not a failure. You get to move, to lie down, to wrap yourself in a blanket. You get to protect the parts of you that aren’t ready to dissolve into vastness. The promise of Advaita vedanta meaning—non-duality, wholeness—can sound beautiful and intimidating at once. You can revisit it on your own terms.
What Science Says—And What It Can't Capture
Neuroscience points to the benefits of mindful awareness: resilience, reduced rumination, steadier emotion. But research can’t touch the raw experience of meeting yourself, utterly uncertain yet quietly alive.Meditation topic: Non-duality explained comes to mind—so much of waking up can’t be put in words or steps, only lived and felt in personal time.
If you’re stumbling into awareness—awkward, lost, still attached to ideas of who you should be—know that you’re not alone. May you find small comfort in the spaces between stories. If all you do today is breathe and not try so hard to be someone, it is enough.